Recently, I came across a Tim Ferris blog titled “The Art of Letting Bad Things Happen (and Weapons of Mass Distraction).” Here, he talked about why we should let small bad things happen, such as missing out on business opportunities, emails that’ll make you anxious, and other non-trivial stuff for a regular person. As regular people, we don’t want to miss any business opportunities that come our way, shining like a precious diamond, distracting us like a cute fly that found its god in the light we just opened in our room.

Likewise, quoting from a writer, Ryan Holiday: “You should keep the main thing the main thing.” (Check out his book about self-discipline.) The main idea is that you don’t want to focus on all the opportunities; you should focus on (at most) a couple of projects/works to maintain your attention and well-being to accomplish the big things you want. The way to do that is to let small opportunities or problems go and keep your focus on the big picture.

The Stoic Interpretation

I misunderstood the concept when I first read it. The article was about productivity, not personal manners. I was thinking about how we should be patient about the tiny shits that come our way throughout the day. That uncle commenting about your weight, that unexpected email about an overly anxious client, or that literal dog shit you just stepped on while going to meet your date. Okay, maybe the last one deserves some attention, so you don’t have to convert a dinner date into a never-ending walking date to outrun that smell (although you might smell cheap instead).

We can tweak this quote, initially created for productivity, to our daily lives to become more stoic, tolerant, still, and emotionally stable to give our attention to the big good things that might happen. Quoting from Meditations, a journal of one of the most outstanding leaders of Rome, Marcus Aurelius:

“Be like the promontory against which the waves continually break, but it stands firm and tames the fury of the water around it. … Remember too on every occasion which leads thee to vexation to apply this principle: that this is not a misfortune, but that to bear it nobly is good fortune. “

The king has spoken. He suggests that you should be like a promontory, a rock, against the things that make you frustrated, annoyed, or worried throughout the day. Every small or big bad thing is not a misfortune; it’s just a good opportunity for you to bear it.

So, What?

Think about this: what option do you have when faced with small, irritating stuff in the middle of the day? You either react to it and let it consume you, or you proactively ignore it after processing it (that is if needed). You have your dreams, jobs, aspirations, roles to fulfill, and responsibilities to bear. Do you want to let small things affect the big things vital to you, your family, and your loved ones?

The endurance to small, lousy stuff is like a muscle you can work on. The sooner you let go of that mean comment or that extra mail from your boss, the faster you return to your center, your patience, and your noble stand against life. We all need that kind of strength to say no to the things that extract from us and yes to the things that make us closer to our values.

Although it’s a daily process where successes and failures are unavoidable, the more you practice this kind of endurance, the easier it will get. It is the basis of cognitive behavioral therapy. How you interpret things will affect your mood, which will affect how you think and feel about the world. If you let every small thing ruin your day, then the world is a collection of things that may destroy you. If you let these things make you stronger, then the entire world will be your gym.

How should I do that?

By accepting that problems will continually manifest themselves, small or big. This is the way nature works, according to Marcus Aurelius. It’s just the way it is. The only thing that matters is your interpretation. Of course, these ideas and words were written in the early ages of human history. Following our hearts created a fucked up place with chaos, and the only way to get through was to follow our rational minds, even if our entire family was murdered in the street while people were watching them just like a football event on Sunday. I am not suggesting an extreme point of view where you become a heartless robot, but especially for the small bad things that happen in a day, interpreting them as exercises to be more patient, focused, and strong might work for some.

Remember (from the self-discipline book of Ryan Holiday) that Marcus’s father left a word as his legacy and perhaps the most important heritage: aequanimitas. In modern English, equanimity: staying still and protecting composure, particularly when things go bad